(light upbeat music) (light upbeat music continues) >>Welcome to "A World of Difference: "Embracing Neurodiversity."

I'm Darryl Owens.

In the world of rock music, you just don't get it is a well-worn refrain, a primal scream of frustration when communication fails and understanding breaks down.

For many neurodivergent children, that breakdown isn't just between people.

It happens inside.

Big emotions can arrive suddenly, powerfully, sometimes all at once.

And when a child struggles to name what they're feeling or why, the result can look like an overreaction, a shutdown or behavior that leaves peers and adults confused.

Those emotional spikes often invite judgment instead of curiosity.

And for a child who already feels misunderstood, that gap only grows wider.

But emotional intelligence isn't something you either have or you don't have.

It's something that can be taught.

Through evidence-based supports, like explicitly teaching emotions, using special interests to explore feelings, co-regulation strategies, and parental modeling, neurodivergent children can build emotional intelligence.

They can learn to understand emotions, manage them, and use them in themselves and in others.

And that ability isn't soft, it's foundational.

On this episode of "A World of Difference: Embracing Neurodiversity," we meet the Losee family who are raising two sons with autism and intentionally nurturing emotional intelligence by asking thoughtful, forward-looking questions about how situations make them feel, how others might feel, and the consequences of words and actions.

Our national panel breaks down the key aspects of emotional intelligence in neurodivergent children and the evidence-based strategies families can use to strengthen it at home and at school.

And you'll meet our latest difference maker, musician and advocate Bing Futch, whose lifelong journey with ADHD has shaped not only how he creates music, but how he connects, teaches, and helps others see neurodiversity differently.

Our first stop takes us to Rancho Santa Margarita, California, where the Losees are raising two sons with autism.

The eldest son, Hayes, is homeschooled in the three Rs, but learning in the Losee household goes well beyond academics.

Both boys are immersed in daily lessons that help them understand and interact with the world around them, all without losing the spark or masking the curiosity that makes each of them who they are.

(light upbeat music) (child squeals) >>In the beginning, it was a little trial by fire, you know, you had to figure everything out very quickly.

>>The feeling is a little helpless, to be honest with you.

When they say, "Here's your diagnosis, "your son has autism at these different levels," there's no follow-up, there's nothing to support, there's no handbook, so to speak.

So you have to kind of figure it out.

And it took us a while to really figure out how we could best support him.

And that was probably the hardest year and a half of our lives and our marriage.

>>I can detect who's in space.

>>You can detect who's in space?

>>Yeah.

>>From the Find My app?

>>Yeah.

>>No way.

I would say he maybe had 25 words at age three and a half.

You know where mommy is?

By four, he had 50 words, 55, 60 words, something around there.

>>It was very difficult when I could tell how upset he was and he couldn't tell me why.

And it was always like an elaborate guessing game.

And so I would just kind of talk about what I was doing all the time.

Kind of drove my husband a little crazy.

So I'd be like, "Oh, mommy is so hungry.

"Mommy's gonna go to the fridge "and mommy's gonna get some yogurt.

"Oh, yogurt.

"Yogurt, so yummy."

And I would just like talk to myself like a crazy person.

Peach!

Peach!

And then he started to kind of mimic, and it was kind of out of the blue.

He was just, all of a sudden he would be like, "Oh, need to go now."

And me and Tim would just look at each other like: "Oh my God, did you hear that?

Did you hear that?

"Did you hear him?"

>>What were you guys doing?

>>Playing.

>>I know, but what were you playing?

>>Trampoline.

>>Trampoline.

What else?

>>Driving.

>>Driving.

Driving what?

>>Driving the car.

>>Oh, and what was that like?

>>Like "Zombies 4."

>>Like "Zombies 4."

Like what part of "Zombies 4" is that like?

>>Upside-down car.

>>Upside-down car.

Mm, is there a time in the movie when they go in an upside-down car?

>>Yeah.

>>Yeah.

And how did that make you feel?

>>Happy.

>>Happy.

Was it a funny part of the movie?

>>Yeah.

>>Yeah.

And was that happy and was that funny... So was it funny when you and Harrison were playing in the car?

>>Yeah.

>>Yeah.

Good job, good job, buddy.

Gestalt learning is utilizing prerecorded things to express themselves.

When you talk about scripting, it's that.

They're learning through television shows, movies, other people, so there's a lot of repetition.

Once we started allowing unlimited screen time, we saw a vast, huge spike in communication and their ability to communicate in a certain way.

Now, is it the communication that two neurotypical people have?

No, but that then becomes on us as a parent to then become that detective and figure out, "Okay, well, what are you trying to say?"

I don't know what it is half the time, but I'm gonna look at and figure it out.

And what's nice about where Hayes is now at six years old is we can stop and have a little bit of a conversation about it.

And I can say, "Okay, that phrase that you just said to me "means that you're happy.

"Is that right?"

And he'll be like, "Yeah."

I'm like, "Great."

So now I hear that phrase, I know he's happy.

Ate everything but the chips, so that's good.

Did you eat your hot dog?

Good job, dude.

>>Emotional stuff was hard, really hard in the beginning.

He was only ever happy.

He could only identify whatever feeling that he was having as happy.

He'd be crying, like streaming tears.

And he'd be like, "I'm happy, I'm happy."

And we'd be like, "No, you're not happy.

"You can tell me why you're sad.

"It's okay to be sad."

>>So many times people think that people with autism can't feel emotions or don't understand emotions.

And it's the complete opposite, if I'm being frank.

Both of our boys who have ASD are highly emotionally intelligent people.

They just express it differently.

Communication does not equal intelligence.

And I think that's a big thing that we try to talk about a lot with people.

He loves math.

He's doing multiplication tables at this point.

He's doing division.

You did it, good job.

He's reading at a second, third-grade level.

He loves books, he loves writing.

You know, he's starting to become more into the arts.

>>He's got such a big heart.

I mean, he is a really expressive kid.

And I'm just so happy to see that he's starting to communicate some of these more challenging feelings.

>>The biggest thing for us in the future for him is: how do we create that foundation for him?

How do we create a frame of a house of his life that is strong, creative, fun, joyous?

As a father, that's the best I can do.

Cheers, good job!

(light upbeat music) >>Next, we turn to our panel of national experts to unpack emotional intelligence through a neurodiversity-affirming lens: what it looks like, how it develops, and how families can support it without shame or burnout.

(light upbeat music) Dr.

Christine Ladish is a pediatric neuropsychologist at Mary Bridge Children's Hospital and Health Network, part of the MultiCare Health System.

With decades of experience, she supports children with neurodevelopmental and emotional differences and helps families understand how brain development, regulation, and emotional intelligence shape everyday behavior.

Dr.

Barbara Muñoz is a learning specialist and academic advisor at Beacon College, where she supports neurodivergent college students with learning and attention differences.

With over 20 years spanning K-12 and higher education, she specializes in executive functioning, self-regulation, and helping families bridge school expectations with emotional growth.

Dr.

Chinwé Williams is a licensed professional counselor and the founder of Meaningful Solutions Counseling & Consulting.

A nationally recognized speaker and trauma specialist, she helps children and families build emotional intelligence through nervous system regulation, connection-based parenting, and strategies that help neurodivergent kids feel safe, seen, and supported.

And we're gonna begin our conversation with Dr.

Ladish.

From a brain development standpoint, what should families understand about how emotional intelligence develops in neurodivergent children and why it may not follow typical timelines?

>>Well, thank you for having me.

I'm very excited to speak about this topic.

I would say that there's a four times greater likelihood for children who have neurodiversity to struggle with emotional regulation and emotional issues.

We do know that aspects of the brain may process information that's coming in differently.

And emotional intelligence is really a skill.

I think often it's easy for us as parents to envision that it's coming about naturally.

But for kids that are neurodiverse, there are many skills that they're trying to balance concordantly.

So there's appreciating their own emotional states, understanding the states of others, and then coordinating what response they want to have in that particular situation.

All of that coming together requires the ability to attend, the ability to differentiate self from others, and the ability to understand abstract concepts like emotions.

All of those things, for anybody who has a child who's neurodiverse, on the autism spectrum, has attention challenges, are very complex skills.

The good news is that these things can be taught.

We just have to appreciate that we need to make abstract concepts concrete.

And by going about this intentionally, we can support children to develop and have good emotional intelligence.

>>Thank you, doctor.

So, Dr.

Muñoz, for families who are raising neurodivergent children, how do you explain to them what emotional intelligence is in real-life terms that they'll be able to understand and recognize in school and in the home setting?

>>Sure, so it's important to know the definition.

Emotional intelligence is about how a child understands, manages, and responds to emotions.

And there's really a wonderful framework to follow, which is to teach them how to regulate, ideally that they could teach them how to regulate.

The aspect of understanding their emotions, labeling the emotions, and then there's the expressing of appropriate emotions and the regulating of the emotions.

And what we wanna do is help the students reach those goals, reach the desired outcome of each of those topics in the framework.

>>Thank you, doctor.

So, Dr.

Williams, why is the concept of emotional safety such a critical function for children who already feel misunderstood or overwhelmed?

>>Yes, and thank you so much for having me for this discussion, Darryl.

So, emotional safety, as I explain to parents and educators, is really the foundation for emotional intelligence.

Because a child can't learn to understand, identify, nor manage their emotions if they're not feeling protected while having those emotions.

So, for neurodivergent kids, this is tough for them.

They're navigating through a world that doesn't fully understand how they learn, how they socialize.

They're constantly corrected.

According to studies looking at kids who have attention difficulties, by age 10, these kids are corrected up to 20,000 more times, right?

So just sort of imagine yourself as that child.

The correction, the criticism, typically very well intended, creates a negativity brain bias, which we all inherently have.

But these kids start to expect failure.

So our kids are working overtime.

What do we need to do?

Well, what's really powerful is for us as caregivers to settle their nervous systems.

When they feel safe, powerful things happen, right?

Their nervous system that's experiencing heightened sensations, awareness, sensory input, is fast.

And so that's really what causes emotional escalation.

So what we need to do is to lower all of that input, create a container of safety, and that helps them to finally relax.

And when they're more relaxed, the benefits are this: they're able to communicate more.

Even kids who don't typically have a lot of communication, I've seen it myself, even as a parent, they're able to problem solve and they're able to take on new tasks.

>>Dr.

Ladish, how can parents tell the difference between a child who's being defiant and a child whose nervous system is simply being overwhelmed?

>>That's such an important question.

I think what I would want individuals to understand is that behavior when it's happening is happening for a reason.

It's a form of communication.

And while we may not understand that reason, there's always communication happening in the background.

And so that's key number one.

The difference between tantruming versus having a meltdown is really what's going on within the child and the level of control that the child has within the circumstance.

So a child who may be appearing to have a tantrum or more willful behavior that is within their control, you can see the symptoms.

The child who will do something and then kind of check in and look, "You know, did you get my message there?"

May be making statements that allows us to know that they're trying to communicate.

Their communication itself may be a cue.

But you sort of see the waxing and the waning of the child in control with those behaviors.

A child who is having a meltdown is literally being hijacked by their emotions.

The emotions have come into the front seat.

The child is sort of in the backseat of the car, if you will, and they're just being taken for a ride by their emotions.

And the communication there really is: "I'm completely overwhelmed and distressed."

Either the sensory input or the social demands are far beyond the child's experience and they're no longer able to respond meaningfully.

The important part of that distinction or making that distinction is how parents respond.

We cannot respond to emotional dysregulation and complete loss of ability the same way we might to a tantrum.

So, in the case of a tantrum, there may be more opportunity to work with the child and mitigate their behavior or what's going on.

When a child is having a meltdown, it's really upon us and removing stimulation or removing the child from the stimulation and allowing appropriate time for that child to calm down.

>>Watch the full Ask the Experts segment on our website at awodtv.org if you wanna learn more about this topic.

You can also watch or listen on Facebook, YouTube, or on your favorite podcasting platform.

(light upbeat music) Now let's meet our latest difference maker.

A single note rings out: warm, resonant, unfamiliar, and impossible to ignore.

It doesn't come from a stadium stage or a wall of amplifiers.

It comes from a wooden instrument shaped by mountains, history, and hands that know how to listen.

For Bing Futch, music isn't just performance, it's translation.

Across festivals and concert halls, Bing transforms the Appalachian mountain dulcimer into a living, breathing voice, layering sound, rhythm, and silence to paint entire landscapes in real time.

No two performances are the same because no two moments are.

Behind the music is a mind that always has been in motion.

Diagnosed with ADHD in childhood, Bing grew up navigating a world that often misunderstood how he focused, how he processed, and how he learned.

Music became the place where everything aligned, where attention became presence and difference became direction.

On stage, Bing doesn't just play, he shares stories, names the struggle, and celebrates the strengths of a neurodivergent life, inviting audiences to listen differently.

(light upbeat music) (bright dulcimer music) >>Two times through the A part, four measures in the B part comes up after that.

(bright dulcimer music) Early on when I first started listening to music, my dad, my mom had a really amazing record collection.

Everything from The Carpenters to Marvin Gaye to film soundtracks.

And the film scores really, really pulled me in.

Before I got into a band, I wanted to be a film composer.

Before I went to sleep, I would envision movie sequences, you know, put on a record and imagine like title sequences and stuff.

And my friends were more into sports.

I kind of felt that maybe that set me apart a little bit.

I guess the other thing would be that I was told constantly, my teachers, administrators were all telling me, "What's up?

What's up with you?"

And it just seemed like my friends stayed out of that kind of trouble.

When I was in fourth grade, I was diagnosed with what they then called ADD.

Didn't know how it related to how I acted or how I felt.

In fact, I didn't feel like I acted weird.

But teachers were the ones telling me I had an issue.

I'm like, "What issue?

I'm just, here I am."

So I was not receiving any kind of treatment all throughout school.

It was kind of a disaster.

I was kicked out of several schools, mainly elementary school, middle school.

They thought ADD went away back then, that you grew out of it.

But it didn't matter 'cause when high school came around, my mom said, "Enough of that, "you're going to live with your dad."

It was very tough 'cause I think she had more understanding.

He was like, "Straighten up or you'll get the fist."

And I often did.

(Bing laughs) And then back in the beginning on the melody part.

What really motivates the ADHD student or the ADD student in school are the things they like.

And we have a very, very big resistance to stuff that we don't like.

But the engaging stuff like music, you know, it's like lock me in a room for 30 days and slide my meals under the door.

I'm not coming out.

And I can do that to 100% of my ability because I love it so much.

And then when I graduated and joined my first band the week of graduation, and I've been doing it ever since.

I can see that I remember it.

But now I remember there's dead on the drum kit.

We were opening up for them.

I got that recording somewhere.

It's hysterical.

We were so bad.

And I was working at Knott's Berry Farm theme park in Southern California.

And I came out from lunch one day, in ghost town, and I heard this sound, and it was a very hypnotic kind of a sound.

And I was like, "What is that?"

Came around the corner and there's this lady playing this instrument I'd never seen before.

And it just sounded real barefoot in the dirt, you know?

That instrument reached out and grabbed me by the throat and said: "It's you and me for the rest of our lives," you know?

And ever since then, the mountain dulcimer has been my magic carpet.

The next best step really was starting to teach it to people and letting people know, you know, via YouTube and other places, that this is the instrument you've always been looking for.

So everybody's been given the gift of music at birth by God.

And either it was encouraged or it was discouraged.

Those that it was encouraged in got tutelage and classes and instruments and probably found some joy out of that.

Those that it was discouraged in, they are unhappy because they don't have that gift.

But I think that gift just keeps knocking, and it keeps knocking.

And that's why I've got students that are 80, 90, my oldest student is 103 years old.

That's the main reason I do any of this.

To make music because I have no choice and also to share with other people so they can make music and give them a choice.

>>Give a good Lake County Folk welcome for Bing Futch!

(audience applauds) >>Thank you very much.

Howdy, everybody!

>>Howdy!

>>Y'all full of food?

>>Yeah.

>>I gotta work quick.

'Cause after you eat, you gotta digest.

People start nodding off.

Many, many years after, you know, they said that it was supposed to go away, I just felt like I need to go see somebody and get some therapy.

Because my brain's crazy.

So I had to go to somebody and talk to somebody about it, and they were like, "Oh," the first thing off the bat, they're like, "Oh, you're ADHD."

I'm like, "ADHD?

That's new."

And I felt like the music really kind of pulled me in.

And as long as I could just do music, it was managed, you know?

There are so many folks that are undiagnosed and untreated in this country, and they think it's just them.

And it's not them.

It's something that they were born with, it's something that they're living with, and they don't even realize it.

So I think once you get that insight, you at least have a clue as to what's going on, where you're at.

You are here on the map.

And then you can kind of proceed from there.

♪ Teachers, preachers, and counselors ♪ ♪ The same thing they all said ♪ You've got such potential ♪ If you could straighten out your head ♪ ♪ They didn't know it way back then ♪ ♪ They certainly know it now ♪ That ADHD voodoo gonna catch you anyhow ♪ "ADHD Blues" came about when singing about it, bringing it up, and having so many people come up afterwards and say, "Oh, I am too.

"Oh, I am too."

And I thought: "Wouldn't it be great "to step forward a bit more "and say, 'Hey, I'm dealing with this, "'I'm living with this, "'and it's not the end of the world'"?

I want to normalize it 'cause it's normal.

Ralph Waldo Emerson has a great quote: luxury is being understood.

And I think the best thing that parents can do is try to understand what is going through the minds of their kids.

I just know that if my parents had simply asked me what was going on, they would've seen something, they would've seen a pattern, they would've detected that it's not something purposely being done.

This is something out of their control.

So what can we do as parents to meet them or get the understanding that they need or the professional help they need to sort things out?

My name is Bing Futch, and I am a producer of music, video, and other stuff.

(Bing laughs) (audience applauds) Thank you very much.

And now for something completely different.

(light upbeat music) >>Congratulations to Bing Futch for making a difference.

And that does it for this episode of "A World of Difference: Embracing Neurodiversity."

I'm Darryl Owens.

Thanks for being a part of our world.

See you back here next time.

You can watch episodes of "A World of Difference" on the Beacon College Facebook and YouTube channels and on the show's website, awodtv.org.

The website also provides tip sheets and other resources for your parenting journey.

You can watch the show from the PBS app, available on your favorite streaming device, and you can listen on your favorite podcasting platform.

Thank you for watching and supporting "A World of Difference."

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