(music) (music) Welcome to prairie fire I'm Sarah Edwards.

When I was a small kid I lived in a town called Monticello Illinois not too far from here.

And one of the favorite things to do on a Saturday for me in Monticello was go to a restaurant and deli called the brown bag.

Now the brown bag was run by a woman named Harleen swing who was a little intimidating to kids like me, because she's kind of direct in her manner.

Nevertheless, the brown bag has really become an institution in Monticello and towns surrounding it.

And so I thought it would be good to take a trip there, meet Harlene and also her daughter Leslie, who's taking the restaurant into the future.

My name is Harlan swing.

In 1972.

I opened the brown bag, or coulda been 74 i dont remember.

My family came from Southern California, LA.

I came into some money and I said to my husband, I will never work for a man again.

He said, What are you gonna do?

I said, I'm gonna watch soap operas travel and have a lot of plastic surgery.

And that he said, No, seriously, what do you think the town needs?

That so well, I haven't seen a decent Deli.

And the whole Midwest except in Chicago.

That's all I said.

He was an architect.

And the next day he bought that building over there.

The original problem was, we may get out and I said, What are you doing, you know, open a deli.

He wanted me to stay put.

I called it the brown bag because I thought it was gonna be a takeout restaurant.

And then people were sitting on the floor there.

So Jack made a couple of tables.

And then we had a big doll store.

And here she left.

And he was baffling up the holes.

And they sat at that table.

I read a customer's will tell you what they want.

Why I asked a man who doesn't cook, to design a kitchen for me, was really stupid.

I tried everything in the world.

We somebody say you should have breakfast.

So I tried that.

And then finally my husband, I sat down and said, leave and narrow.

Narrow.

So we just started making sandwiches, soups, I introduced bagel to myself, this guy cable can be one of them is our boggles.

It's a bagel I did at the beginning, didn't have a lot of patients and people are either really in love with her.

Never said please.

And then there's people that absolutely despised her.

Oh, I was horrible.

Without any training, I said, just get in there for a beat.

They usually left crying and like go out the park.

Get back in there.

And I used to say to you, I'm bad.

Wait till you get out.

I'm the best boss you're ever going to have because I don't fire you when you screw up.

We always say the moms and Monticello are milk and cookies, moms and my mom was more of a beer and pizza mom, sometimes she didn't embarrass me but I kind of embrace the fact that my mom was different.

I never let down me.

There were people who had come to me and say I heard about you or they said you know, I'd say it's probably true.

And multiply it by two.

But now I've calmed down.

You know, by old age.

Oh, it's hard.

If you want to make a sandwich that really tastes good, every layer of that sandwich has to be good.

Everything is homemade.

These are all my recipes that I had from But I like to make my own.

I had a gal who worked for me today was at Parker and she, I make the streusel for you.

And that smell wafted on the square.

And I had people running in there and say, what is that?

She made?

And I couldn't.

They were terrific.

So I said, Why don't I just put you in a space.

And I love it, I have my eyes for you My husband was ill, and I wasn't here half the time anyway.

And I had let the business slip.

I think that I knew that that was the intention of my mother to leave me the restaurant to run.

I don't think that I embraced it until probably about 10 or 15 years ago.

And so when he passed away, I decided that I was gonna get out of it slowly.

I didn't really recognize that she was eating out.

I thought that she was taking time to grieve is too much to throw at everybody.

You know, you're trying to give them 40 years of your experience.

Slowly but surely, she just took over when mom walked away.

It took five different people to do what mom did.

I'm not interested.

Frankly, it's lovely that to talk to anybody for days.

I think that I'm uniquely able to make the brown bag go towards the future and alter it so that it's my vision.

It's still paying homage to her vision.

She's better than I am because she's nicer.

She's intelligent.

She when she does a recipe, it's really nicely.

not lazy.

I used to be really boggled by how my mother just sort of knew what people would like.

And I didn't think that I would ever get that talent, but I got it.

I love making the customers happy.

I love hearing how much they enjoy the food.

I also I guess having a degree in psychology I really like managing my employees.

Lisa the building is old.

It is interesting architectures.

Some of it works, some of it doesn't.

And then there's days when we are so busy that we've sort of outgrown this building.

But the feedback that I've gotten is that even though moving to another building or building a new building that would be ergonomically fantastic and, and build to our specifications.

This building is the brown bag.

It's been the brown bag.

It's always been the brown bag, and we're pretty pleased to come to from the outside it kind of looks like chaos, but we get it done Yes, they do get it done at the brown bag so much so that I invited my friend Tinisha Spain here Tinisha Have you ever been to the brown bag?

I have not but it looks like the brown bag came to me did I brought Oh sandwiches tastes a little kind of simple of everything.

Yeah, so this is the specialty of the house.

This is the Honeyberry roll up which the owner Harleen who you just met says needs cranberry sauce.

It's like you have you know Thanksgiving turkey sandwich.

Well why on earth would you have a turkey sandwich without cranberry sauce and then you know when it's not thanks.

She makes an excellent point.

It is the number one seller at the brown bag right and that's I'm gonna take a bite of it.

Yeah, and this is an alternate version.

This is the honey Turkey club which is your basic club sandwich with Turkey and they also believe in lots and lots of bacon at the brown bag.

This I know it's good right that's incredible.

Yeah.

The cranberry sauce oh my god add something really does.

And this is the Dagwood turkey.

Baked Ham tender roast beef Swiss cheese, tomato pickled lettuce, and homemade 1000 Island dressing on a on a on you know a high yield high as they say.

That's enough.

I brought you dessert, chocolate cake and pumpkin bar.

Why and their real specialty is pies by envy, strawberry rhubarb pie and their Apple streusel oh my gosh, and soups and soups and soups.

Good sukru the sparrows with mushroom and wild rice and this is cheddar broccoli that you're tasting right now.

How is it Tinisha That's delicious.

Good.

That's delicious.

You know, this brown bag story hopefully is is an another example of kind of what we've been doing with Prairie Fire which is telling stories in unique ways.

You know, this kind of unfolds like a like A History of kind of a book.

And this.

And so we really hope that we can continue this kind of storytelling.

And I loved your Japan house piece.

Thank you.

It was, it was really fun to put together.

And you know, we're trying to get back over there.

When we were shooting that story, we were just talking.

And the idea of doing a traditional Japanese tea ceremony came up.

And so we definitely want to go back for that.

Yeah, that's a great idea.

Yes.

And then, you know, coming up, we have a whole bunch of other intros, including lots of live performances around the holidays here in the studio and that type of thing.

One thing that I kept hearing over and over again, at the brown bag, when we were shooting this piece was how, how much everybody a loves prairie fire, and B, loves wi ll, people kept saying over and over again, oh, I'm a member, I've been a member for 25 years, or I just signed up last year, because I love what, you know, I love the quality of what you're doing.

Don't you love to hear that?

I know I do.

And it's amazing part of this job absolutely is.

And so if you would like to be part of that, if you like what we're doing here and would like to contribute to that so that we can go out and tell these wonderful stories like the one at Japan house or at the brown bag, give us a call 217-244-9455 or you can give on our website will give.org If you would like to be part of that because you know, those gifts, those donations.

That's what that's what fuels this.

Right.

That's what fuels is this pumpkin bar moment that we're having right now just have we're able to get out and tell these really great stories again, that number to 12172449455 Excuse me, or you can give at we'll give.org And how, how is that pumpkin?

It is so good.

I mean, certainly, I'm gonna go ahead and dig into the cake because it's calling my name.

The yes, we're gonna see how this is here.

And you have actually coming up next.

A wonderful story about it's good.

Oh my gosh, yeah.

Yeah, everything is kind of homemade.

Oh, my goodness.

That's not kind of it is homemade at the brown bag.

Yes.

meats.

But anyway, tell me about what's coming.

Yes.

So you ever meet a person who, as soon as they start talking and telling you about their life, your jaw just hits the floor.

Now my mouth is watering from that case.

Kayla is one of those people she has just an incredible, extraordinary story of overcoming.

She said she had a kind of a rough childhood that made her always kind of look for a sense of belonging, something safe.

And that took her all the way to Egypt.

She has four beautiful babies.

She's a poet.

She's an author, she's so many things.

And so in getting to know her, I wanted to call this story a toast because truly at the end of this chapter of her life, she deserves a toast.

And so we met at sleepy Creek vineyards beautiful, beautiful winery.

And we just sat down one evening and she told me her entire story.

And it turned out really, really well.

I'd love for you guys to see it.

So take a look.

This is a toast with Kayla.

So just to kind of set the tone, you've lived a lot of life in your years.

Yeah, I won't say the number.

But you've lived a lot of life.

And so the the point of this series was to talk to someone and just hear a story and an unbelievable story of just overcoming obstacle after obstacle after obstacle.

And as soon as I met you, yeah.

And we started talking, I knew that you were that person.

So let's start out with and we're just going to jump all over the place.

Who is who is Kayla?

Today.

Kayla today is the culmination of in the guardian of all the other Kayla's so all of the Kayla's that I've been are are still living there.

And I view it as my special responsibility and privilege to look out for them, and to kind of steer the boat.

But all of their needs matter and all of their perspectives matter.

And sometimes, you know, 13 year old Kayla will pop up with her perspectives and her needs and I'll acknowledge and okay that yeah, that makes sense.

And I'm gonna do what I can but, you know, today we have to go to work.

So like, you know, or 28 year old Kayla and Egypt will pop up and she's afraid and I have to console her and remind her no, I've got it going on.

I've got everything fine.

We're going to take care of it.

But yeah, I'm a culmination of all the people I've been and I'm proud of all the people I've been.

So Caitlyn today is sort of like the steward.

Yeah, of all the other Kayla's before very much interesting.

Now as we sit here in Fithian Illinois.

Did you ever think that you would be back in Illinois when you were in Egypt, God now and I say that with both sadness and enjoy because first I never I wanted to come back here.

When I first left home, I didn't want to come back, I thought I would be ashamed of myself if I ended up back here.

Because I had, I had an idea of the kind of person who stays in their hometown and specifically, the kind of person who stays in central Illinois, right.

And then when I was in Egypt, I only wanted to be back here, I wanted to see green and I wanted to smell the earth, you know, and I wanted to be with people who spoke my language and who generally understood my culture.

I desperately wanted to be here again.

Before kaighla rises came to be Kaighla was a girl who lived in a small Central Illinois town.

So tell me a little bit about your earlier years.

I read through your book.

And you've always had, faith has always been sort of a central theme.

I became a very devout Evangelical Christian when I was about 15.

And, and I think it was because the community offered me a kind of stability that I didn't have at home, a kind of security and structure that I did not have at home.

And it offered me hope in a in a, you know, poverty stricken home that there really wasn't much hope.

The church offered me hope and connection, and support.

But it didn't have at home.

Until they stopped offering me that support and connection when I stopped abiding by their expectations.

While on a mission trip to India, kaighla got pregnant, expecting an unmarried, she says she was asked to leave her Christian college.

I was really angry with God.

For a while I was confused.

And a lot of the things I learned in Bible college made Christianity untenable for me, I didn't believe it might in my mind anymore, it was no longer logically sustainable for me.

It didn't make any more sense to me.

And so I sort of just, I said to God, basically, listen, we're gonna go our separate ways.

I don't buy it.

And if you're saying that's the only way Well, I mean, I guess it sucks, but I don't fit this.

This doesn't work anymore.

Right.

Dido was born in 2008. kaighla was now living in Chicago.

My son was about six months old.

And I ended up homeless and you know, in a really bad situation.

And the church didn't have any help to offer and my family didn't have any help to offer but the mosque had helped to offer.

kaighla started studying world religions.

She says she instantly felt most connected to the Muslim faith.

I thought this seems like my hope this seems like this could be turning a new page for me and my son, this seems like it could be a place to belong, really.

And so I reached out to a mosque.

And I just said, like, I want to know about converting to Islam, I want to talk to somebody.

And of course, no one at the mosque spoke English when I asked when I called no one understood what I was asking.

But they were able to connect me with someone who did.

And she helped me to get a job at a boarding school in Elgin which had lots of empty rooms.

And so they invited my son and I, at the time, he was a year old to live at the boarding school while I worked there, tutoring English.

And that was definitely a new page.

A new page with new customs and new expectations.

So when I converted to Islam, I was not interested in finding a partner, I was focused really on getting stable being with my son.

But almost as soon as I converted, there was a lot of pressure from the community I was a part of which was mostly Pakistani, and an Arab community to get married, it was very much you're a single mom, that means you're at risk, you're in danger.

You need a man to protect you a man to provide for you.

And you know, coming from a home where either didn't have a father or I had a really bad one.

I thought, Okay, well, this could be good for my son like, okay, you know, yeah, we need providing we need protecting that sounds okay.

So the 23 year old single mom decided to be open to finding a partner.

And so I was I started looking for a partner and I met this man.

I met Sauber on a marriage site, I think it was called muslima.com.

So I agreed to meet him meet being the key word.

And he came to Chicago in October, so I converted in August, he came to Chicago at the end of October, so you're still very new, very new.

I knew very little about the religion.

Sabra got off the plane in Chicago, met Kayla and immediately asked her to marry him that night.

Her guardians at the boarding school did not approve.

But he was adamant and the men conferred and came back and said we don't think You should marry him.

Something's fishy.

They were married that night.

kaighla's son's African name was changed from Dayo to Abdullah kaighla's new name was Omar Abdullah.

By the end of November, I had moved to New York.

Okay, Dido and I had picked up and gone to New York.

And that was not a very fun experience for us.

And we stayed in New York until he received his notice of deportation.

They ultimately ended up in Egypt.

There, kaighla met sabre's first wife, and six children.

I thought, you know, if my husband was far away, and I was raising kids by myself, I'd be so happy for him to come home.

I thought she was going to welcome me.

And I watched sister wives and I thought, like we were gonna have, you know, like, we were gonna have our little homestead and we were gonna raise our babies together, and she's gonna be my friend and I really, I have a tendency to idealize.

cybers first wife lived in a three story home.

kaighla was given a small apartment a few blocks away, heavily pregnant with her third child and home alone with no money.

Baby roomy was on her way.

So I'm in labor, you know, I'm walking around the park to try and move labor along and everybody in the family is begging me go to the hospital, go to the hospital.

I'm like, there's not a medical emergency giving birth is not a medical emergency.

It's my third child, I know what I'm doing.

I got onto my bed with a towel beneath me and put myself in the most comfortable position I could find on my hands and knees.

In the same fashion by which I had birthed Saji I had one more final contraction before her head emerged along with the rest of her body easing out with one swift flow, I moved a few inches forward on the bed just in time to balance on one arm and catch her.

She was tiny, six pounds at best color was normal.

And she was covered in vernix.

I stood on the floor, picked her up and placed her on my chest, just then sabre mama Bushra and Shahida, which is his first wife all came bursting through the door.

Girl, you had a baby, at home by yourself?

What?

In many ways, it's not extraordinary.

For 1000s of years, women have been giving birth without the assistance of medicine or doctors or anyone really, in many ways, the experience tied me to the universal experience of being a woman in a way that I'd never felt with my other birth.

But, you know, I remember what I remember most about that moment.

You know, giving birth to her was this feeling coursing through me that I was one of trillions of women who have given birth I was connected to the Divine Feminine force.

I felt like a god I felt even now I can feel it.

I can feel the feeling I knew.

That was the first time in my life I ever knew that I had power.

And I felt the power coursing through me.

And I named her Rama, which means mercy.

Because I needed mercy I needed I needed some relief from the hell that I was going through.

You know, I had I don't really even know how to put it in words, but every day was hell.

It was torture and isolation.

And, you know, he was lying to me and abandoning us and leaving us without enough food.

And a lot of times we didn't have water because the water system, the irrigation system would go down and we just wouldn't have water and he would just leave us without money.

In 2014, the Egyptian president was ousted kaighla's husband, Saba was of the same political party and faced threats in his homeland.

Basically, they told him if you don't leave Egypt, we're going to kill you.

So he fled the country.

He fled Egypt because he supported the president.

And the people that took power didn't support the president was a military coup.

So Sabra abandoned all of us in Egypt and ran away to Canada left, all of us the wives, the kids, everybody and ran away to Canada.

After six months, her kids went to Canada with their father, a political refugee.

Kayla ended up back in the States, homeless and in another shaky marriage.

I naively married yet another man that I did not know.

You know, for desperate reasons, like before Sure, kind of a repeat almost.

He was different, bad in his own ways, but different.

And we ended up coming back to to Illinois in 2017 because I wanted to be close to my sister and because I wanted to have my kids and I couldn't afford them in Tennessee.

And we were married for four years.

And then he got his green card.

And then he left.

That was four years ago.

Since then Kayla's been to therapy, written five books, and found love again.

Our first date was actually here at sleepy Creek, almost a year ago, aisle fitting, I didn't know that, you know, he, he loves my children as they are and he accepts me as I am.

And I accept Him as He is.

And I never imagined I would have such a loving relationship, you know, after all that I've seen and been through.

But, you know, when I chose my new persona, it's kaighla rises because I just keep rising.

I, you know, I burn up, you know, like a phoenix like, I burn and I burn and I burn and I, I've had so many ego deaths, I've seen the end of so many versions of myself.

I've watched myself die in so many ways, so many times that I'm not afraid anymore.

I have seen the very bottom of who I am.

And there is, I don't have anything to lose.

There's, I know what it is to live with nothing to live with not enough food, to live without water.

Without electricity.

I know how to live in any situation.

If there's anything I've learned from my young life, it's that nothing is permanent.

Change is the inevitable and death is a certainty.

Trauma taught me to never relax too comfortably into happiness.

Just as ease follows hardship.

I've learned that hardship inevitably follows ease.

I've always been a writer.

I've been writing since I was young.

I remember.

In like junior high.

I wrote a memoir called unknown reflection.

Oh, I thought it was very much Mulan.

Like, when will my reflection show who I am inside.

I wish to the life of me that I had saved those floppy disks.

The kids now range in age from 15 to nine and have all developed into their own unique person.

So dayo is 15 It'd be 15 in a couple of days.

Actually.

Dayo is very talented and the arts.

He's easy.

He draws very, very well.

He's a singer and a dancer and he's in show choir and orchest ra.

dayo has a heart of gold saggi is at 12.

She is very allergic to animals and yet she's an animal whisperer.

All animals love her.

They just flock to her like Snow White.

She's she's got a gentle spirit, but a fierce wet.

Rumi is 11 Now she just turned 11 Rumi is a fashionista.

She loves all things fashion.

She's always drawing dress ideas and Rumi is a wonderful singer.

So he's like kind of humming to herself while she's doing things.

Dido is an excellent Whisler by the way, and my house is full of singing and whistling.

Nice.

And Izzy is he has nine is he is the easiest of my children.

He is always happy.

He's he has a he's very into parkour.

He's always like, bouncing off of things.

He's literally like just hanging off things like a monkey just bouncing and hanging off of everything.

Last question.

Who is kaighla?

One more time?

I think that kaighla is a poet.

I'm an artist, and I'm a storyteller.

With all the sorrow and all of the hurt and the unimaginable pain that I've experienced.

I've experienced so much more joy.

I count myself very, very blessed.

For the for the joy and the beauty that I have witnessed.

Thank you so much for sharing your story.

Yeah, so glad you're still here.

So much chose to you me too.

Kayla is currently writing her sixth and seventh books right now including the sequel to things that shatter.

And for more information on kaighla or to watch our entire interview, visit our website, will dot illinois.edu forward slash prairie fire.

You can also find links there to some of her poetry and the other books that she has written.

And that's it for this installment of prairie fire for Sarah Edwards.

I'm Tinisha Spain.

Good night.